rain rain

walk in rain 20 minutes just now...
alone.....missing u in the rain...insane right...hah...
today kinda tired...
so not write much...
tml oni dive in here...
last nite thanks u...
reallly...n sry for disturbing u...
i wish u ll company me urself...
but nvm la...i knew u wun anymore...
cz u dun need me...
i'm the one who always need u...
today until here naa...
u must guai guai ar...
dun lik me...walk in the rain...
miss u...T.T...

today no song for u...
but a song for myself...
from jolin...

天已经黑了我心就醉
害怕呼唤没机会
整夜徘徊独自流泪
昨夜已过去难复回
不知不觉你闯进我心扉
人生难道要多体会多爱几回
才不后悔
宁愿为你受伤流泪真情多可贵
无怨无悔你身旁依偎
纵然我心万分伤悲
还眷恋相爱的滋味
不要让我心碎
清醒后能再挽回
我害怕孤单面对
没有你日子像受罪
心中一颗颗流星下坠
不要让我心碎
明天若你忘了我是谁
还盼望我流的泪不会白费
爱你是多么地疲惫
甘愿默默承受阴晦
我很怕黑

TCK....this song match me before i sleep..
bla bla...but u duno how much i need u..
with u...no scary scary scene anymore...u so geng mie...bad guy!hng!
good nitez la..

sleepless night!!!!

1130 pm ady!!!
i on bed 1 hour ady!!!
i still cnt fall asleep...
i CANNOT asleep!!
what i waiting for...
ur good night wish or what...
so at last i'm here...
scary image pop out in my brain again...
i dunwan..T.T...
M***t....help me chase away...T.T..
i scare them...i dunwan them...
but i cnt tell u...
tomolo got test...
so i just now took medicine again..
sorry...
but i really cnt fall asleep...
i knew cnt rely on u anymore..
i knew u no need to sms me...
but i used to u ady..
i need u...T.T...
monday n tuesday got test n presentation..
tension make me fail to asleep easily...
SLEEPLESS night without u...
i just want to sleep with no scary scene..
i just want to fall asleep with no medicine..
TCK...i need u again....T.T...

sorry...

i did this...stupid nia...

morning world!!
while i'm doing math...
hp beep once...it's u...
erm....complicated feeling...
u ask me to wake u up at 8...
but my hp just received ur msg naa...
line problem...T.T...sorry cnt wake u at right time...
feel so guilty...
when i phone u..u this pig still sleep ar..
why din put alarm ar???lazy tortoise...
next time sms to my 014 naa...
last nite i sleep quiet well...
stupid...ur 1 msg can make me sleep well...
so...thx...

just now aunt phone..
she said, :"when u come back...must go see doctor ady...virus infection is serious..."
what can i do...i have to face this all alone...
u duno bout this...i can't tell u so...
i wish u with me...but i knew no...
M***t T**...I Need You.....
my small finger getting more pain...
can't straight...can't bend...ish..pain....

next 2 days wun write blog ady...
busy..
2 tests...1 presentation...
monday n tuesday will be a tough tough day for me...
hope i can do well in all....
u too...i thk ur test almost same with mine..
u also have to add oil...
u also have to do well..
dun too busy with ur work...
u can do it...
n presentation must put effort too ar...

song of the day is "cry on my shoulder" from bonnie raitt...
i like it alot...cause i love to lay on ur shoulder...
sumtime i feel that i lik silly...
i knew u din step in...but i just want to give u...
whatever naa...enjoy it...

If the hero never comes to you
If you need someone You're feeling blue
If you wait for love and you're alone
If you call your friends nobody's home
You can run away but you can't hide
Through a storm and through a lonely night
Then I'll show you there's a destiny
The best things in life they are free
But if you wanna cry, Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone Who cares for you
If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do
If your sky is grey oh let me know
There's a place in heaven where we'll go
If heaven is a million years away
Oh just call me and I'll make your day
When the nights are getting cold and blue
When the days are getting hard for you
I will always stay by your side
I promise you I'll never hide
But if you wanna cry Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone Who cares for you
If you're feeling sad Your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do
But if you wanna cry, Cry on my shoulder
If you need someone Who cares for you
If you're feeling sad your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do

M.T.....when i can cry on ur shoulder again....

不一样。。

today late ady....
just back from group presentation again...
hurt my little finger..
issac also say swollen ady...
pain pain..
but no one to say my pain...

今天，家人都来看我了。。
一看到我，二舅母很惊讶说：“你怎么了？瘦那么多？？！！”。。
真的吗。。我也不懂。。
阿姨靠近我后说：“你变很憔悴。。真的很压力吗？？”。。
我只能承认。。真正的原因只有我懂。。
对。。我憔悴了。。
没睡好。。
没吃好。。
常吃药。。
好累。。很多事情发生。。
我才发现我的世界因为你的离去而缺角了。。
我不止需要你。。而是生活的一部分了。。
这个缺角，没人可以添补，没人可以修饰，因为只属于你。。
但，属于你世界我的部分呢？？我不懂。。

before they reach, i keep tidy my room..
i think of u again..
last week before u come, i did this too..
i want u to sleep comfortable...
i want u feel my warm..
i want u to know how much i want u to come...
i want u to know how happy am i..
i want u can stay good with me..
bu i din tell u all this...
u duno right...i willing to do all stuff that i lazy to do...just bcz of u...
although my hand start feel itchy..but when thk of u..
all bcum No problem..
din receive ur msg last nite..
cnt sleep again..
but i din take medicine...
coz i knew my medicine no use anymore..
i keep look at ur picture..
this is all i can do to see u...
i wake every an hour..
all scary feature come out before i aslp..terrible..
i cnt be alone...
once i'm alone...
everything is u again..
i failed my thermo test last week after u went back...
i'm useless..i keep blame myself...
but i will hardworking ady..
i will listen to u...
if u know this u sure not happi...
but i'm really stress..
like thousand stone on my chest..
my aunt say my face get virus infection ady..
duno why i feel so scare..
last few month when u went to small operation..
i cried when u go in...i feel so bad...i cnt stay beside u...u duno how much i wish to be with u...i.m sorry...
that's why i rush to u on the next day from Aimst..
i speed there..i dun care anything..i just want to see u and give u big hug and let u know i'm here for u..crazy right...
but i din tell u..i dunwn u worry me..n scold me..
still remember what u ask me after the operation?u this stupid still ask me:"biibii, i got scar on face ady..not handsome ady..u still want me?T.T.."..
hah..u really ar..lik ginna...but i answer "YES!!!no matter how is ur face...i still WANT u..muackx.."..
and then u laugh at me...n say love me..

u work whole day today...tired??
how's ur work??
today got make any new juice??
mixing around again??
dun simply mix ar..n add oil!!
faster go bath and sleep ady..
dun dota tonite...
rest better...put on blanket naa...good nitez...

today...song of the day...
i find so long..just hope u like it..
n finally found this song..
i quiet lik this...n hope u enjoy...
"Stay" from miley cyrus...

Well it's good to hear your voice
I hope you're doing fine
And if you ever wonder
I'm lonely here tonight
Lost here in this moment
Time keeps slipping by
If I could have just one wish
I'd have you by my side
Oooohh I miss you
Oooohh I need you
And I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed, no one can take your place
It gets harder everyday
Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay
Well I tried to live without you
But tears fall from my eyes
I'm alone and I feel empty
I'm torn apart inside
I look up at the starts
Hoping you are doing the same
And somehow I feel closer
And I can hear you say
Oooohh I miss you
Oooohh I need you
And I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed, no one can take your place
It gets harder everyday
Say you love me more than you

TCK..i miss u..i miss everything..how to let u know...
n u want to know?..u wun know...i keep it..

back to where i should...would you...:Part 2

10:00 p.m...
just back from group presentation discussion...
very tired ar...
desmond n issac!!!u all dun leave me behind next time ya!!
just now that 2 guys say " we company you lar..."...
i very scare ar...that y i shout at u all : dun leave me!"..T.T...
so no next time..i will stick with u all...that 2 guys really gerli...

when i reach home..i think of u again..
i been under ur protection for so long ady...
u will not let danger drag me..
u will not let any guy near me..so ba dao ar u...but i like..^^
but now...
i'm alone to face all danger..
cannot tell u...cannot let u know...cannot flighty on u...cannot blame those guy to u...
cannot say :"bii ar, just now gt ppl bully me!hate them!hng!"..
n u will never know...
in BM, whenever people know i'm Mkeat 7 lou, nobody dare to bully me..hah..
u see la..u so bad ar..

just now i ask fren log in my FB..
just to delete my blog address..others i still not dare to see...i'm coward..
cause this is our blog..
i jz want people who close with me to read it..
i'm selfish gurl...XD..
how r u today??
fine??okok nia??or extremely good??or bad??
whatever....u have to be fine..

tonite i back to my room ady..thx u issac for so many days!THANKS!!!love ya..
in my room, everything related u...
time fly so fast...
last week u were here..
u still hugging me...
i still sleep in ur embrace..
u still remember??
did u miss all those moment too??
but now..
the room is so blank...
tears starting to flow again...
i freaking miss u...
miss ur big hug..
miss ur goodnite kiss...
tonite will be a nightmare night again..
i will wake every 1 hour...frighten n freezy nite..
would u help me chase all scary features away..
would u help me menace the guy bully me..
would u sing a song to me to let me fall asleep...
i like stupid..i knew u wun heard all this...
it's ok..the most important is u live well..
so good nitez...sweet dreamz..
tonite will be a hard night for me again...
morning give u a song ady..so now no ady...
go sleep after ur work..gogo...guai ar u...

back to where i should...would you...:Part 1

now is 1131 a.m.-------
back from fren's house...
cycle to feel morning shine...
u appear in my mind again...
what am i doing..
CYCLE!! cannot think!!
just tell myself this....
then.....
a car come from front...
and.........
i forget to stop.....
but.....
the car stop....
so.....
i'm fine...
sorry to the driver n thx u for stopping..
if not, i cnt imagine too....
whenever there is something happen, u always the FIRST fly into my mind..
if u were here, u sure shout " wey!!!got car!!!u bendan wan ar?duno see wan ar??!!"..
hah..yupz..this is ur response when i din realise there is danger..
but.....u duno...
i will listen to u..
i will be more alert..
i will be more independent...

last night..
somebody sms me...
i thought i can sleep without medicine ady..
but actually i couldn't...
i still the same..
i keep think of u...
but after a while, receive ur msg..
i feel warmer..
but...how u know i got use 017 wan ar??
sooo weird neh..i just reload ar..
u never sms to 017 since long ago..
but anyway, thx...
and...why u sms me ask me not to play rain water...
i just walk awhile in the rain only...
din play..really...
but ur " that's all" make me feel so lone..
like no warm anymore..
when u msg "good night sweet dream"..
u know how mush i want to say "good night bii..muackz...i love u...sweet dream too..n rmb dream me ar.."....
i knew i cannot reply so...
u know how much i wish u say " biibii, faster go sleep...late ady..sayang.."
i knew i wun receive it..
can u feel me??
did u miss me as i miss u before u sleep??
did u think of me when u need someone??

reading my previous blog..
tears flow down my face..
i miss u so much again..
especially i'm alone now..
without anyone beside, u are the one occupied my mind..
for me...no one's above you..
i know time've passed lik million of days..
i wish i could say those feeling are not there anymore..but i couldn't..
i can lie to u..i can lie to others..
but the truth is in me..those feeling will be there FOREVER more..
n here is the only place i can say
M**t T**...I Miss You..
although duno how are u now..
not dare to know.. not dare to search..
ur life goes on..
i just hope ur memory on me wun fade away..

found a song...but i dun think u will lik it..
coz i nt so enjoy the rythm too..
but i like the lyrics...match me..
give you...mayb the lyrics..
hope u wun mind ar..
"still" frm jennifer lopez..

When I sleep
I have dreams about the way we used to kiss
About the way you used to hold me
And say nothin would ever harm me
When we first met
Oh how you charmed me
Made me smile when I was down
Big pimpin' around the town
You and me
Whenever they'd see you
They'd see me
A lover and a friend to me you were
How did it end
How it hurts
To not have you in my life
when I wanted to be your wife
You never know what you have
Till its gone
Treated you wrong
For so long
Now you're gone away
But the love still lives here
Still...
I still got love for you
Still...
After all we've been through
Still...
I gave my heart to you
And baby you're the only one
There's other men than you
Still...
They can come close to you
Still..
Once I said I love you
I knew you'd be the only one
A good man you were to me
Always there to care
Would do anything in this world for me
Didn't matter, what, when, or where
You were there
I never thought we'd part from the arguments

would u do anything for me again...
would u.....
would u....
would u....
would u bring away my tears....
no request to u...
i dunwan u know...
i dunwan burden u....
coz............i have no right..